Carnival of Fools
by KimmyJCullen
Summary: Edward is a college dropout with no future. Bella is a student with high aspirations. When she encounters Edward and his vagabond lifestyle, will she be the one to give his life purpose or will she find herself longing for the adventure of his world?


**_Unfortunately, I do not own Twilight or any of its characters, but I do love making them do ridiculous things. No copyright infringement is intended._**

**_Thank you so much to my bestie and pre-reader BACsmedea. I couldn't hav_****_e done it without you. I hope you all enjoy my little story. See ya at the bottom._**

Chapter 1

No one ever sets out to be unsuccessful, do they? I mean, when we're young we have this ideal notion spoon-fed to us by our parents that we can be whatever it is we set out to be. You want to be a doctor? No problem, just study really hard. You want to be a Policeman? No problem, just keep your nose clean. So you start off on this path to success with no doubts in your mind that you can achieve whatever you heart desires.

It all begins when you're really little and you do everything you can to please mommy and daddy. You're not really sure what all the world holds for you, so you think you want to be just like daddy when you grow up. How cool would it be to listen to people's hearts and make them feel better when they're sick?

_Daddy would be so proud._

Then as you get a little older, your view of the world starts to expand and you realize that there are all these really amazing things out there that you can be, like Spider-man or maybe even GI Joe. That would be awesome right?? All of your friends certainly think so and so does your mom.

_She thinks you look precious in your Spider-man pajamas._

A few more years go by and you start playing sports in school. You win a few games and you're having so much fun that you think surely this is what you want to do with your life. People are always telling you how great a player you are, and at least once during every game you can really envision yourself standing up at the plate while listening to the roar of the crowd. There is silence, then the crack of the bat and you can hear the chant of your name as you round the bases for a home run at a major league field.

_Mom and Dad stand on the sidelines gleaming with pride_.

Suddenly, you're in high school and your focus has shifted from sports to friends....well, girls in particular. Beautiful, beautiful girls. Baseball practice gives way to spending time at the mall after school walking hand in hand, and games on the weekends are quickly replaced by snuggling in the last row of a dark movie theater. You're still a good student but you notice that your parents just don't seem to be as accepting of your choices anymore. They're constantly berating you with questions like "what do you plan on doing with your life?" or "How are you going to amount to anything if you don't focus?" What do they keep complaining about anyway? You're just a kid, right? What you want to focus on most right then is having fun and enjoying yourself.

_You'll have time to worry later about what you want to be when you're older.  
_  
Then comes the cut in allowance because your parents say that you are just wasting their hard earned money on frivolous crap. You show them, and get a highly coveted job at a fine retail establishment in the mall. Your dad appreciates you stepping up and taking responsibility, but your mom just seems to worry about her boy taking on too much. You work your way through high school, buy your own car and have a pretty girlfriend. All is right with the world. Your friends start choosing colleges and so do you, but you're not really sure what you want to study. Everyone is choosing something different . . .theater, psychology, criminal justice, history. . .but you are completely undecided.

_No big deal you shrug, this is what college is for. _

You end up going to the same school as your girl, but your relationship doesn't make it past freshman year. She starts dating Mr. Wonderful-I'm gonna be a famous basketball star-guy, yet you still have no idea what the hell it is that you want to do with your life and seriously start to wonder where all the time went. You're in second year and have no steady girlfriend, but you have picked up some stellar partying skills. You still have yet to declare a major because beer pong and promiscuity 101 are not options, so you choose accounting on a whim because hey, you're great at math and you can make a decent living. Third year, as you sit in another wretchedly boring accounting class, you become painfully aware that you cannot be some pencil pusher behind a desk for the rest of your life.

_You would rather crawl into a deep fucking hole and be buried alive because for sure that job would kill you slowly anyway._

You come to the realization pretty quickly that you do not belong where you are. You are drowning and you are overwhelmed, but how are you going to tell your parents that you don't know what you're doing and you need to find yourself . . .take a sabbatical. That's what it's called right? You know, taking some time to figure out who you are and what you want to be? Aren't those the questions that have been asked of you all your life? How can you not have the answers after all this time?

_What kind of loser is 20 years old without a fucking clue as to who they are? _

***************

As it turns out, I was that kind of loser. No direction, no focus and no future. At least that's what my father had told me when I explained to him that I needed to take some time off of school.

"I don't understand how you can do this, son." he pleaded as the frustration shot from every pore.

"How can you throw away years of studies just because . . .what . . .I don't know, you are feeling too challenged?"

"No Dad", I replied sheepishly. "I'm not feeling 'too challenged', I just don't like what I'm doing. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm there. It's a waste of my time and your money."

We battled back and forth for hours, with me trying to verbalize the practicality behind leaving school and him cutting me off at every turn. I didn't know how else to explain my decision to him at the time. It felt as if I was just spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere. Everyone around me was slipping into this blissful acceptance of their future while I was staring out into the wide open abyss with eyes that couldn't focus on even one obtainable star. Each day was just as useless as the next and I couldn't bear to continue the charade any longer.

"Well I'm glad you waited 3 years to figure that out!" he spat at me, pulsing with ire. "I am telling you right now, that this is utter nonsense and if these are the types of decisions that you are going to make, then you will have to deal with the consequences of those decisions on your own! This is going to kill your mother." he mumbled as he turned his icy glare and strode away from me out of the room.

This action didn't kill my mother in the literal sense, but the disappointment on her face damned near killed me instead. I wanted so badly for her to look at me with love in her eyes and tell me that she understood and that everything would be okay. I needed for her to offer her unyielding support and soft spoken advice, but as she stood silently beside my father at the front door, I knew undoubtedly that she would stand with him _against me__._

When I returned to my home that night, both emotionally spent and physically drained from the two hour drive, I was relieved to step into darkness. There was no way I could stomach my perpetually cheerful roommate at that moment. Don't get me wrong, Tyler was a good guy and all, but he was also the type of guy that needed to be everywhere and know everyone. Greek function . . .Tyler was there. Basketball game . . .Tyler was there. Random academic get-togethers . . .yeah, he was there too. What if I had been more involved like Tyler? Maybe I wouldn't have needed to have the gut-wrenching conversation I had earlier that night. Maybe I would have still had my beautiful girl and a solid relationship with my parents. That was what my life had been reduced to - a series of maybes and what ifs.

I trudged into my room, threw my keys, phone and wallet on the table, then flopped on the edge of my bed completely exhausted. As I sat on my bed and stewed in the dark, my exhaustion quickly morphed into exasperation. I tugged at my hair and groaned harshly into the empty air while incessantly stomping my foot to the floor. Apparently I could still rock the childhood tantrum with gusto. I felt like a petulant child that didn't get his way and was sent to his room with no supper.

"Fuuuuck!!" I wailed as I stomped off to the bathroom. Needing to calm the hell down, I turned on the shower and let the room steam up as I stared into the streaked mirror. I felt like a damned caged animal...feral and clawing for an escape. Stepping into the scalding water, I begged my body to relax and leaned forward into the steady stream. I let the water cascade over my head and shoulders, eliciting a soothing balm to my tense form. I slumped down further into the water as the tension eased out of my taut muscles.

Ten minutes later I was sprawled out in bed listening to the ticking of the old alarm clock that my dad had given me when I moved into my apartment. He said it was classic and dependable and would suit me well. Sometimes I hated the constant pulse, but at that moment I found it oddly comforting. I drifted off to sleep wondering how I could make things right and somehow make my parents see that I wasn't making a huge mistake.

I awoke the next morning to the sound of what appeared to be a dying hyena. I held my pillow tightly over my head to drown out the ridiculous noise, but nothing could block out the strained cackling that seeped through my door. Giving in to the inevitable, I took a deep breath, sighed and stood up to head out of my sanctuary and see what this cacophony could be. As I stepped out my door, rubbing my eyes, I was greeted by none other than a chipper Tyler and some giggling, leggy blonde I had never met.

"Hey Bro! Good mornin'." Tyler smiled.

"Hey" I grunted back to him.

"Sorry we woke you, bro. This is Lauren . . .Lauren this is . . ."

"Omigod, I know you! You're that guy that used to go out with Tanya, right?" the shrill beast squealed.

I was a bit taken aback by her question at such an early hour and honestly didn't know why she would be so fucking excited about my relationship with Tanya anyway. I glared at Tyler and he winced at me with an apologetic glance.

" Uh, right." I mumbled and walked into the kitchen.

I grabbed myself a cup of coffee and headed back toward the safety of my room. Being reminded of Tanya was in no way, shape or form a good beginning to my day. The Shrill Beast bringing up The Ego Crusher was a sure fire way to send my day plummeting to abysmal depths. I knew it had been well over a year since we had broken up, or more accurately, since she had broken up with me, but it was still a sore subject. Tanya and I were together for almost 5 years and she threw me away like an unmatched sock the second it appeared someone better had come along.

"I need to be with someone that has ambition" I remembered her saying. "I just don't think we're headed in the same direction anymore." she stated before we went back to campus. We had definitely been headed in different directions alright. I took up residence in a shadowy pit of despair while she was headed in the direction of Jacob Black, basketball extraordinaire. Specifically, she headed right in the direction of his zipper the first weekend back to school. During the welcome back mixer a bunch of us walked in on Tanya giving Jacob her own special welcome . . .on her knees. The worst part about it was that she wasn't even embarrassed. She actually smiled right at me and continued on her merry way.

"Fuck that stupid whore." I grumbled as I went into the bathroom to take a piss and brush my teeth. I needed to get the day started and I certainly wouldn't have been able to accomplish that while I thought about that harpy. I haphazardly threw on some sweats and a T-shirt, ran my fingers through my hair and grabbed my things off the table to make a quick getaway. Unfortunately, Tyler and Lauren had still been on the couch as I rushed out into the living room hoping to leave undetected.

"Dude, where's the fire, man?" Tyler chuckled. "You're never outta here before noon on a Saturday."

He definitely had me there. My weekends generally consisted of late nights and even later mornings. "Yeah uh, I'm just gonna go for a run. Its pretty nice out this morning and well, I am already awake so... " I shrugged. No thanks to him and the shrill beast of course.

"Well since you're already heading out, do you think you can pick up the supplies for tonight? If you can put it on your card, I'll round up the cash from everyone later." he had asked with a pleading smile.

"Tonight? What's going on tonight?" My brain was officially toast obviously because Tyler and Lauren both looked at me like I had snakes crawling out of my eyes.

"Shit man, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you okay?" He really had looked concerned. " Tonight is the ABC party at the Kappa house. Did you figure out what you're wearing yet?"

The ABC party was an annual Fall tradition. Everyone came dressed, if you could call it that, in **A**nything **B**ut **C**lothes. It amazed me each year how creative the student population could be. Nothing was really off limits except for shirts, pants, skirts , socks...you get the idea. I honestly had so much on my mind that I had completely forgotten about this epic event and was clueless as to what I could scrounge up to make myself look reasonably presentable.

"Fuck, I totally forgot! Yeah, I can pick up some stuff while I'm out and about. What do we need?"

Tyler then proceeded to rattle off a long list of necessities, mostly from the liquor store. I never had a problem getting served around town, but had a fake ID just in case of emergencies. I would put everything on my credit card, which my parents helped pay, then I would collect the cash from everyone so that I would have extra spending money on hand. This scenario usually worked out pretty damned well for me. The part time job I had at the student cafe took care of my basic needs, but it never hurt to have a little extra for play.

Driving into town to pick up the liquor, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about my dad and the words that he had spat at me the day before. Why was it so difficult for him to see that I was trying to be responsible? I knew deep down that he and mom would accept my decision eventually, so I just resigned myself to the fact that it was going to be a little tense for awhile. I figured that I would let them take some time to calm down and maybe go over for Sunday dinner. It would definitely be a challenge to argue while our mouths were full of my mom's scrumptious cooking.

I gathered up all the bottles that were requested for the party and strolled casually up to the register. Luckily, the clerk didn't give me any grief and happily tallied up my purchase. I forked over my credit card, then zoned out a little bit while I considered what sort of debaucherous attire I could put together for the evening. Now I wasn't arrogant enough to believe that I was an Adonis or anything, but I could admit that I was a good-looking guy with a decent body. I definitely didn't embarrass easily and would feel comfortable in just about anything. Ace bandages wrapped discreetly could work, plaster myself with monopoly money or maybe even saran wrap? The possibilities were endless. I was quickly pulled from my thoughts by the clerk who was repeatedly clearing his throat.

"Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention. What was that now?" I replied a little dazed.

"I said your card was declined, sir. Do you have another form of payment?"

I was dumbstruck to say the least. "Could you try it again? I don't know why there would be a problem."

"Sir, I've already tried it twice. Do you have a different card maybe?" he said as he sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

"Ah, sure. Use this one." I tossed my debit card on the counter with a bit more attitude than I probably should have. It wasn't his fault after all. So much for having a little extra cash. I really didn't know what could have possibly been wrong, so after I exited the store and put the bags safely in the trunk, I immediately called the credit card company. The lovely lady on the other end of the line politely explained to me that my card had been deactivated by the primary card holder. Motherfuck! The rage I felt at that moment was impossible to contain, so I cursed colorfully at the lovely lady, hung up my phone, and punched the window of my car. Definitely had not been a smart move on my part.

I sat in my car for awhile because there was no way I should have been driving in my irate condition especially given the phone-call I was about to make. As I dialed the number with shaky fingers that were beginning to swell, I could see my chest heaving with anger. Why would he do this to me?

"Hello?" my mom answered in her angelic voice. Christ, I didn't want to unleash on her at all, so I had quickly asked for my dad. When he finally got on the line, my nerves were frayed.

"Dad, what the hell is going on?!" I seethed.

"Is there a problem, son?" he questioned very calmly.

"Is there a problem??? Are you fucking kidding me right now?! Yes, there is most definitely a problem! Why did you cancel my card?" I hissed into the phone.

"I told you that you would have to deal with the consequences of your actions, so if you aren't going to be a student then your mother and I certainly aren't going to continue to support you financially. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I wont discuss this again unless you come to your senses." he said icily and hung up.

Come to my senses...No discussions...His way or the highway. I guess things didn't change no matter how old I got. Had my father really just abandoned me over a difference of opinion? Had I been that much of a disappointment and embarrassment to the illustrious Doctor? The ache in my chest over this realization was unbearable. I had always been a good kid that did well in school and never got into trouble. I was the epitome of a good doctor's son, but I guess that just hadn't been enough. For him to forsake me then, when I was confused and needed him the most was frankly disgusting to me. I knew that it would have all been his idea, but somewhere inside I died just a little knowing that my mother was going along with him. She had given up on me too.

I couldn't even find it in myself to be angry at that moment. All the fight had been knocked out of me and I just felt deflated and lost. I drove back to my apartment in a haze of disgust and despair, and longed for the comfort of my soft bed in my darkened room. What I found when I returned home however, was an eager roommate that was dead-set on making me 'suck it up and stop wallowing'.

"Come on man. So you had a fight with the 'rents. It's not like it's the first time or the last. This may be however the last ABC party that you attend here so lets gooooooo!" he smiled as he tugged me into the kitchen where my non-clothing would be found. I couldn't argue with his logic so I figured I'd make the best out of a shitty situation and go get hammered.

Walking through the Kappa house door with Tyler, in my last minute green cellophane shorts, I admittedly felt quite inadequate. He was one creative bastard and actually fabricated a gladiator costume out of Popsicle sticks and aluminum foil. I didn't know how long it took him to do it, but it was quite impressive. I scanned the room and noticed some standard ABC attire...watermelon bikinis, togas - which if you asked me was cheating, duct tape corsets and garbage bag outfits. The party was in full swing so I headed to the kitchen for a drink as Tyler was summoned loudly by the Shrill Beast herself. I honestly didn't know how long I would be able to put up with Lauren's voice and somehow thought that Tequila would help.

Five shots and three beers later, I had been feeling pretty good. Considering the day I had been experiencing already, I should have known there was no way it could last. The party was definitely full steam ahead, and as I strolled out of the kitchen I knew I needed to quickly find my way to the bathroom. As I pushed through the herd of drunken degenerates, a paralyzing thought dawned on me - How in the fuck was I going be able to pee while my junk was wrapped in neon green saran wrap?? I couldn't just rip the shit off and wander around free-ballin' the rest of the night. Obviously in my haste to dress quickly, I hadn't really thought my attire through fully. When I turned back around into the crowd and realized the complete ridiculousness of my situation, I was hit with a burst of uncontrolled laughter. It appeared I had hit my disaster limit for the day and my mind was finally shutting down.

I knew at that point that I had to run back to the apartment, so I scoured the sea of thumping bodies looking for Tyler because he had the key. I caught a glint of his reflective warrior suit out of the corner of my eye and made an immediate beeline to my savior.

"Dude, please give me the key now, I have to go back to the apartment and get out of this so I can piss." I begged, as I discreetly palmed myself instead of doing my own drunken rendition the pee pee dance. "Stupid damned costume." I grumbled.

"Well its nice to know that not too much has changed. I see you're still a horrible planner." the voice sneered.

I closed my eyes as the air rushed from my lungs. Willing myself to keep breathing, I slowly turned around to be met with the only sight that could make my night infinitely worse. Fucking. Ego. Crusher. There she stood sucking on a lollipop with her body covered strategically with ridiculous smiley face stickers and a large tanned appendage attached to her side. I had seriously started to wonder if I had done something so horrible in a previous life that karma was punching a hole through the universe just to torment me.

"Yes, and I see you're still roaming around half naked with a sucker in your mouth." I deadpanned with a sideways glance at Mr. Wonderful.

Jacob bristled at my comment but I couldn't have given two shits. I had been just about to tell them both where they could go and what they could do when they got there when Lauren came bouncing over in her ping pong ball bikini.

"Omigod you guys, Congratulations!! I cant believe you're getting married!" she shrieked.

As the noise perforated my eardrums, her words started to process in my over-stimulated mind. Congratulations - Married - Tanya and Jacob. Wh-What?? Just then, karma's fist came flying through the void and throttled me in my gut. I suddenly felt nauseous and like I might pass out. I could hear sounds and conversation swimming around me but everything was garbled. I tried to grasp onto something to bring me to the surface, but nothing made any sense and I was drowning. She left me a year ago and now she was getting married? Fractured conversations floated quickly into my head. "You have no ambition - You have no goals - I think we're moving in different directions." Without warning I felt a strong arm on me and was pulled from the murky depths of my mind.

"Are you alright man?" Tyler grimaced as he shook my shoulder.

"Uh, y-yeah. I gotta go." I murmured as I slinked away to the sound of stifled laughter. When I reached the clean outdoor air, I hunched over with my hands gripping my knees and took in a deep breath. It burned in my chest and I noticed I had been panting like I'd run a marathon. I needed to get out to breathe, but I was already out. Everything was pressing down on top of me, yet it was all fading into the background. Every facet of my life was collapsing around me and I felt powerless to stop it. Where the fuck had I gone so wrong?

My steps faltered underneath me as I made my way back to the apartment. My mind was racing so much that as I wandered around for what seemed like miles, it truly had only been a few blocks. I was completely drained as I dragged myself across the entryway and all I wanted to do was collapse. No sooner than I sat down on the living room chair did I remember something of dire importance - I still had to fucking piss. Fantastic! I sprinted to the bathroom while I tugged at the cellophane that was expertly wrapped layer upon layer around my pelvis.

"God Dammit!!!" I huffed as I tried to remove the barricade to my release. I lost my balance at the same time I had been frantically tugging at the offending material and landed with a thud on the edge of the tub behind me.

"Rrr -shi - fukr!" and other nonsensical noises spewed from my mouth with gritted teeth as I kicked forward at the toilet while trying desperately to rip an opening. My frustration was palpable and I just wanted to claw myself out of my own damned body.

"Are you enjoying yourself?!" I screamed out to no one as I stomped the floor and kicked the toilet again. "Getting a good fucking laugh?!"

Finally the mutant wrap gave way and allowed sweet relief to flow through me. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you" I sighed. After my mini meltdown I stood there washing my hands and chanced a glimpse into the mirror. What I saw staring back at me was pathetic. When did I become this person? I turned off the bathroom light and went into my room to throw on some boxers and a t-shirt so that I could curl up in bed and die. I needed to put an end to the suck ass day as quickly as possible.

As I lay in bed entirely defeated, and tossing and turning, images flashed in my mind of all the people who had such high aspirations for me. One disappointing look after another streamed across my consciousness like a bad movie. My baseball coach, my guidance counselor, Tanya, my Dad and my mom. All of them believed in me at one point and I had failed them all.

My Dad was right about one thing . . . I needed to deal with this on my own. The only way I could stand proud in front of my family or have anything to offer a significant other would be to figure my shit out. I had nothing to offer anyone in that moment, but I was determined to change that. First and foremost, I needed to find gainful employment and a place to live. I know that Tyler would be okay with me staying here for awhile, but once the paperwork made its way through the University that I was no longer enrolled, I would be out on my ass pretty quickly.

Hit with a sudden surge of energy and a sense of determination, I hopped out of bed and fired up my laptop. I started scanning the want ads in the local classifieds, but nothing was jumping out at me. I either wasn't skilled enough or it was some bullshit part-time minimum wage job . How the hell did people actually make a living around here? Just when I was starting to lose hope in my plan, I stumbled upon something very interesting. It had everything I needed and would definitely give me the opportunity to figure myself out. This was too good to be true. I took a deep breath, clicked on the email link and sent over my information. I was taking a step into a new future and nothing was going to stop me. Something inside me just knew that I would hear back from them soon. I stared at the ad again and smiled to myself before heading calmly back to bed for one of the most restful nights I'd had in awhile.

_**__________**_

_**Volturi Midway Entertainment is looking for energetic individuals 18 and over to work in concessions and rides at fairs across the US. Salaries starting at $400 per week and all accommodations and travel expenses between fairs are paid for. Please e-mail Jane at **__** for more information if you are interested. Join the fun now!**_

_**__________  
**_

I never thought that a few lines in a newspaper could bring such a change to my life. 12 months ago, I was a college student with a loving family and a pretty easy life. To say that things were different now would be the understatement of the century. Do I have regrets? Maybe, but so it goes. . .

My name is Edward Cullen and I am a carny. Come on in and enjoy the ride.

****

** A/N**- Thank you so much for reading. All feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Do you want to hear more about CarnyWard??


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